The Real Housewives of Television

While watching reruns of the OC I couldn’t help but notice how hot Kirsten Cohen was. MILF fetish is no joke and my porn selection is proof of that. This new thirst got me thinking, “who are the most desirable tv moms?”. It seemed like it was going to be pretty cut and dry, but my MILF fetish begged to differ. Alas, we have our list.

10. Carol Brady- A mother of three girls and three boys, stepsons to be exact. You couldn’t have asked for a more prototypical suburban house wife. Mr. Brady never had a frown on his face or a condom in hand and Mrs. Brady was to thank. She clearly was taking care of him in and out of the bedroom.

9. Morticia Adam- Now this list was not easy to make, but Morticia was a must. The things this woman would be able to do in the bedroom would blow Christian Grey’s mind. That sultry look and pure dominance is something we all secretly pine for. Definitely not aroused while writing this.

8. Danenerys Targaryen- Honestly I don’t know what else to say, but “The Mother of Dragons” is on another level. (Spoiler alert) She fucked Jon Snow, a Dothraki King and arguably the greatest assassin in the entire Game of thrones realm. Even though one of her dragons was killed, I still think 2/3 alive is pretty damn good for a mom that’s 10/10.

7. Kirsten Cohen- The woman who started it all. Not only is she the bread winner of the family, but she also has the beauty to keep you ‘cumming’ home. A little crazy, but let’s be that just means she’s probably a great lay. Placing her at 7 was almost a disservice, but the talent in this pool can’t be denied.

6. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett- Talk about caliente, Gloria has everything a man is looking for. Sense of humor, beauty, a strangely sexy accent and she puts family first. Let’s just say that’s one piñata I’d like to beat my stick against.

5. Gabrielle Solis- I didn’t know I wanted to be a gardener until I watched Desperate Housewives. Lord knows I’d love to trim her bush.

4. Rebecca Katsopolis- Better known as Beckie, she was the mother figure in everyone’s favorite 90s sitcom “Full House”. Any woman who can tame Jessie must be a special lady. Raising twins in an attic couldn’t have been easy, but damn she made it look good.

3. Clair Dunphy- If I had to make the perfect woman she’d be exactly like Clair Dunphy. Her sexy and subtle dominance reassures her husband into thinking he wears the pants, but in reality she’s the one picking them out and zipping them up. I could only be so lucky.

2. Tami Taylor- They say to find a woman who can do both, and Tami Taylor fits the bill perfectly. Strong and sexy, she brings a unique southern charm that goes down smoother than bourbon. Although the Lone Star state may not be ideal, seeing her in a sundress and cowboy boots everyday would certainly be worth it. Texas Forever.

1.Lorelai Gilmore- Lorelai Gilmore is not the woman of my dreams, because my dreams aren’t good enough. She is easily one of the wittiest characters in television history and somehow managed to maintain the sex appeal of a Victoria’s Secret model simultaneously. I’d find myself laughing and pitching a tent at the same damn time. And if that’s not enough, she raised her daughter on her own and flexed that strong independence we love. Lorelai you are perfect.