Everyone knows that sex sells and I figured hey I’ve had sex before, kinda, so why not regale you with my sexcapades. Today’s episode is part one of a trilogy produced by yours truly, so grab your popcorn cause it’s story time folks.
Three years ago I was at the Waste Management Open with my friends, if you haven’t been I highly recommend you go even though you won’t remember any of it. We were drinking and being the typical degenerates that we are, shot gunning beers and taking shots, essentially re-enacting scenes from Happy Gilmore. My roommate’s girlfriend was a promo girl for a liquor company at the time and some of her coworkers were the gate keepers for the 17th hole Suite. She managed to get a few of us in for free, which no sane individual would turn down. This suite was a man child’s wet dream, free food, free booze and plenty of golf. Now they weren’t serving hot dogs and beers, I’m talking prime rib and scotch. Being the high roller I am, I tipped the bartender $50 right away and got my afternoon going. Fast forward two and half hours later and your boy is three sheets to the fucking wind. Realizing I’m no longer the embodiment of class we decided to leave the open.
*Side note, it rained the night before and our lovely editor in chief was so shit-faced that he fell down a small hill and was covered in mud. But being the true alcoholic he is he somehow managed to do a barrel roll and didn’t spill a single drop of beer. He also wasn’t invited to the suite for obvious reasons.
The Waste Management open has buses constantly going to and from the bars which allows for my alcoholism to run rampant. Knowing this, my roommate, his girlfriend and myself jumped in a bus and made our way out. Drunk Dex is very different from sober Dex. A lot more social, meaning I think my dick touches the ground, it doesn’t. With that I see a group of girls on our bus and make my move. Luckily Drunk Dex is also a charmer, and somehow manages to pull a number on the bus. After we get home I take a much needed nap and decide to text the girl I met on the bus. My drunken witt managed to coax her into meeting up later that night. All is going to plan and I think I’m going to get my dick wet. Somehow we managed to be at the same bar three separate times that night and never met up.. a true testament to my drunken navigational skills.
End of the night comes, and I decide to cash in my chips and head home to crank one out like a typical Saturday. It’s not a profound life I live, but someones got to do it.
To be continued…
-Dex
Dex Might Know 
Leave a comment